Cheapskate Travel Tricks

After we came back from Jerusalem (YAY!!!!!) I've been getting lots of questions about how we could afford it being students with a baby. When I shared a few of these ideas with other people, they hadn't heard many of them before- so today I'm making them public so anyone can try and travel more and cheaper!

For every tip, there is a trade off that you're sacrificing, as specified below. If you're going for cheap, don't expect to travel first class the whole way! But if it gets you there and experiencing something new, it's worth it!

AIRLINE TICKETS

1. Use a search engine website to help you find the cheapest flights. The two ones I have used are Skyscanner and Kiwi.com.

Skyscanner- https://www.skyscanner.com/ This will find you the cheapest flights that are pretty direct. You can even set the search to look for any flight to anywhere from your nearest airport and just see what's available. Sometimes you can find super deals, like going to Italy for $60! You never know! These prices will be lower than if you found them through mainstream airline companies by 2/3 the price, usually.

Trade off: Not all flights are available at all times, and sometimes the flight you really want isn't discounted at all.

Kiwi.com. https://www.kiwi.com/us/ This search engine is what we used to go to Jerusalem because it cuts big corners to get you extremely cheap tickets. A ticket that might usually cost $3000 you can get for $500-$700.

Trade off: The airline companies they use are the cheapest ones- meaning your gate is not usually connected to the big main airport and you usually have to walk out onto the tarmac or take a bus out there where your junky-er airplane is sitting in the worst parking spot. You never get free pretzels or little orange juice drinks or meals either unless you pay an arm and a leg to buy it on the airplane, even if you have a 15 hour flight. So bring snacks! The other big downside is that these flights are usually never direct. To get from point A to point B, you usually have to have several (like, 3-5) layovers in places that may or may not be actually progressing you logically to get closer to your destination, and these layovers may not be quick. On our way back from Jerusalem to Seattle, we have 4 layovers in different European airports, some that even took us back closer to Jerusalem before we could get closer to Seattle, and some of the layovers lasted 12 hours. If you play your cards right and still want to travel cheap, you can just say yes to these tickets and then take advantage of long layovers to do more exploring where your flight lays over! We got to see quite a bit of London, Latvia, and parts of Poland because we had long layovers and chose to get out.

ACCOMMODATIONS

1. Stay in a hostel. These are best for youth or people that don't mind staying in a junkier hotel-ish place where the kitchen and bathroom may or may not be shared. Some hostels are private rooms, and some are dorm-style rooms where there may be 12 people staying in bunk beds in the same place. If you do dorm-style, make sure you check to see if the dorm is all male, all female, or mixed, and that you are comfortable with whatever you choose. Most hostels have secure places to lock valuables they will provide. When I traveled as a single person, I could get a dorm-style hostel for $4/night in Bucharest, Romania! The more popular the destination, the higher the price will be. Dorm-style hostels in Jerusalem were $28/night. If a private room is provided as an option, it is usually more expensive, but it will always be cheaper than a hotel. Overall, I recommend this option to someone staying with a group or traveling alone who doesn't need too much privacy.

Trade off: Not as clean or nice usually, and depending on the room there can be less privacy.

2. Stay in an Airbnb. https://www.airbnb.com These are preferable for someone who may want more privacy. I don't think Bradley and I will ever stay in anything else but these ever again! These are usually more expensive than a dorm-style hostel, but less expensive than a private hostel, and way less expensive than a hotel. I used to be freaked out about this idea, because basically how it works is any local who has a spare room/addition to their house/couch just posts what they have available to spare on the Airbnb website along with details and the price. I was against this idea for a long time because I didn't want to stay with some weird old single guy on his living room couch, but it turns out that most people advertise full private rooms that can lock, and you can shop around online to find a situation you are comfortable with. Many hosts are families or even young single girls. Sometimes people will post an entire house that no one is staying in! In one situation in Nazareth we had our own bedroom, bathroom, kitchen stuff, and even a separate entrance, all for 1/4 the price of a local hotel! It was super nice and clean too. You can view the host's past ratings too, so a bad host won't survive on the website too long before their ratings speak for themselves. If you choose an option where you are staying in a room with a kitchen that the family shares, you get to see more of the local culture and daily life, which is cool.

Trade off: It's not just you rating the host, the host rates you too! So make sure you are a polite guest and don't make too terrible of a mess. (A guy in our high school was known for pooping in the hotel sheets- he would never last on Airbnb.)

3. If you have any local friends, stay with them! Most people love to host foreigners for free. Just make sure to bring them a really nice host gift.

Trade off: Less privacy, sometimes you're tied to the meals they cook for you and their schedule.

LOCAL TRANSPORTATION

1. If you have the time and it's not too far- walk! I think this is the best way to travel if you can manage it because you pass things more slowly so you have time to look around, window shop, observe the locals, buy ice cream on the corner, etc. This is always the cheapest option and best for your health too! Unless you buy the ice cream.

Trade off: Slower, and you have to endure the weather.

2. Use local public transportation. There's a reason the locals use it- it's the cheapest, fastest combo. These are different in every area, but they are usually trains, busses, vans, etc. Ask the locals how they get to work and do that! It's never a taxi. For example, in Peru a 5 minute taxi ride could cost $8 on average and a bus ride would cost $0.30. HUGE difference that is worth looking up ahead of time and finding the stops and the schedules.

Trade off: It's gonna be a little slower and you'll have to plan around its schedule and stops. You will have to be comfortable possibly being the only white American- or whatever you are- and sitting in a space that is definitely more crowded. There might even be a smelly guy on his way to work whose armpit is right next to you and you have to smell it. Luggage is harder to pack around with you, but not impossible, and the locals will try to accommodate you. Everyone on the bus will speak the local language, not English, so you'll have to use google translate or some other type of app or book to tell the driver where you want to get off at. Sometimes if everyone on the bus speaks a language I don't speak and I don't know where to get off, I just show the name of the stop I need to get off at to the driver on my phone by pointing to it, and then kind of do this weird eye contact with gestures and speaking English thing where he knows that I need him to tell me when to get off. He always gets it. 

3. Use a local car rental. We learned the hard way that you need to reserve your car ahead of time so you can be sure the agency will have a car for you available. Using an online search engine like Skyscanner is also helpful to find the cheapest car rental place in the area. If you do it ahead of time, you can look at $10-60/day instead of $300. This is preferable if you are wanting to drive long distances with weird stops that are specific to your wants and not along a main route where there might be a local bus or train.

Trade off: More expensive for routes where there is already a bus or train that could take you there instead, and you have to be responsible for driving. Also it can take a while to sign all the papers at the agency before they hand over the keys, so plan on some paper signing time.

4. If you HAVE to take a taxi (and sometimes you really do because it's faster, more direct and reliable): Find out ahead of time from a local how much a taxi should cost. Then when you see the driver, stay outside the window before you get in to decide on a price, and instead of asking "How much is it to get to the museum?" Ask, "Does it cost $3 to get to the museum?" or whatever the other person said it should cost. Usually the driver says yes and you're good to go! If you just ask an open question, taxi drivers will sometimes double the usual price because they know they can take advantage of ignorant tourists. If you have a price settled before you get in the vehicle, you can be sure that the driver is going to be motivated to get you there the fastest, most direct way possible so he can get you out of his car and onto another customer.

Also- Avoid letting them start their meter! Most taxi drivers are very familiar with their way around town and know how much it should cost to get to a certain location. They don't need to start their meter. If they start their meter, sometimes they start taking the LONG way to get to the destination, because they know you'll pay by the mile, and they know you won't know that they're taking you the long way. If they will absolutely not give you a solid price that you agree on before you get seated in the car and they start their meter, try to have a map there with you on your phone and sit in the passenger seat with them so they know you are following along and you'll know whether they're taking you the right way or not. Not sure if this is the same everywhere, but it's worked for me in Romania, Peru, and Israel.

Trade off: More expensive by a long ways.

FOOD

The best and easiest way is to not eat out! Food options for not eating out include:

• Eating Costco granola bars you packed in your suitcase from America. We survived many days off these.
• Going to a corner store or local market and buying bread (often one of the cheapest things in most countries with the most calories) and if plain bread scares you you can also get some type of jam, hummus, or something to put on top. You can also buy fresh fruits and veggies for a pretty low price here. You can look around for something cheap that all the locals eat and just buy that in bulk. That can be yogurt, cheese, or potatoes. Lunch meat is usually not too bad. This will always be cheaper than eating out.
• Depending on what hotel or hostel you stay in, take advantage of free continental breakfasts.
• Trade off: Eating local good food is one of the best parts of traveling, so you should probably eat out at least a little for the experience of it.

If you're going to eat out....

• Avoid restaurants right next to large national parks or famous places. These are famous restaurants with easy access and they take advantage of tourists that don't know where else to go. Meals here can easily be $50. 
• Avoid sit-down restaurants. Prices will be higher and sometimes you have to tip too. And if you do eat here, avoid buying drinks here. They're way more expensive than if you bought the same drink at the grocery store in a 2 liter bottle.
• The cheapest places are local corner stores or places along the street where you can't sit down, but the prices are usually 1/4 of sit down places. These places usually have food that's just as good, more authentic to daily life rather than fancy restaurant food, have larger portions for smaller prices, and are quicker to get your food. 
• Trade off: It's street food, so just be careful, avoid raw fish, and know what you're eating. As you buy your food, look around and make sure the place looks pretty clean and the people preparing the food have washed their hands. 

SOUVINEERS

1. The easiest and most effective way to save money on souvineers is to...... (drumroll...)..... not buy them! :) The more you can value experiences in pictures rather than things, the cheaper you can travel!

But.... if you still like those few certain things... like I do- the rest of the suggestions are below.

2. Try to avoid buying something in a place where they are obviously the only one carrying that item. For example, a gas station an hour away from any other gift shop, or a gift shop connected to a site that is the only one around is going to be much more expensive than a place that has a competitor next door. The best place price-wise for things is markets with lots of competition where bartering is common.

Trade off: sometimes something is only available at one shop, so that's your only option.

3. Never buy something the first time you see it! If it seems cool and unique to the country, chances are many vendors all over the country have it too because they know you want to buy it! Unless something is extremely specific to a place (Ex: an oil lamp at a site near an old oil press where Jesus used to work), the thing probably was made in China as a souvineer and is sold all over the country, so you could get it cheaper somewhere else.

4. Barter!

How to barter: (This isn't the tried and true right answer- this is just what I do, and it works for me, because I'm non-confrontational and don't love arguing)

1. Find a market where bartering is common. You can spot these if there are no prices labeled on the products- that means it's up for debate! Also you can kind of tell if other people around you are bartering. If you try to barter somewhere where the prices are already set, the people get quickly annoyed.

2. Find the thing you want and ask how much it is. As soon as they give you the price, say okay, and then walk away. You are just looking around for prices at this point, but they will get desperate and want to sell you their product, so they might cut the price in half or even thirds. Just say thank you and leave.

3. Ask around to several different other people what their price for the same product is. Again, just ask and walk away.

4. Decide on the best price you found.

5. Go back to the vendor with the item you liked best (you may have found a color or size that suited you most) and rather than taking the price they originally gave you, offer them either the cheapest price you found, or if you want to push it, offer just a few dollars short of the lowest price for the item you found. They may just go to the lowest price, but you never know- sometimes they say yes! If they're not giving you the price you want, don't be afraid to say no and get a different item instead, or if you can't live without their certain item, you may have to meet them where they are, or halfway closer to where they are.

6. If you are planning on buying in bulk, you can kind of pretend that you're only going to buy one, and the at the last minute you can ask them if they'll cut you a deal if you buy lots. For example, yarmulkes in Jerusalem were 25 shekels usually, 10 at the cheapest place I found, but when I all of a sudden offered to buy 10 (fulfilling orders with money from Jewish relatives back home :) ), they gave me all 10 for 80 shekels. Many times if something costs $10, they'll give you 2 for $15, or something similar.

7. Celebrate the exchange. Bartering is a people event, so thank them generously for the item, compliment it, and maybe even take a picture with the vendor! Celebrate the fun and quick relationship you have just been a part of.

TOURS

Avoid tours if possible. Most info tours give out you forget quickly anyway and you are tied to explore the place with a guide rather than at your own pace. Tours are a quick way to rack up travel costs. Other cheap options include Rick Steves audio tours for free, free walking tours the city may provide (there were decent ones with guides in Jerusalem), or just old-styling it with a travel guide book and a map.

Trade off: Harder to find your way around, less free info.

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Welp- that's not gospel truth because I'm still learning, but it's all I've got. Hope it helps you! And feel free to comment and add any other tips or tricks and websites that help!

Why we chose to have a baby as college students

5/10/17

Only 2 more weeks until this baby comes out!

What a ride pregnancy has been! We've been so blessed with so much support from family and friends. This baby is already so loved.

But, surprisingly, we seem to have gotten more surprised reactions than we expected when we announced our baby. It's as if quite a few people assume the baby came earlier than we were expecting, as if they expect that we were trying to wait until we graduated, and now we are trying to figure out a plan B for our lives.

Um, no. We wanted this baby now. They make a lot of different comments, and there is never time in passing talk to say anything except, "Yep, we're really excited." But sometimes I wish I had time to actually tell them what I really think about their comments. I wish they could know what I think about having a baby in college. I wish that everyone that didn't understand could at least hear and know how I see it, rather than assuming the baby came too early.

So- this post is for everyone who is curious why we chose to have a baby as college students. Having a baby so soon is definitely not right for everyone.  Not right for all college students. Not right for all young couples. I totally understand and respect that. But for us- it is right, and this post is for everyone who is curious why.

Before I go through everything I wish I could I could tell them, I have to make ONE LAST DISCLAIMER: I would not have ever chosen this without having been married to Bradley. I need Bradley, and the baby needs Bradley.

• I have needed and continue to need Bradley through this experience for all the reasons I married him. I wouldn't want to do something this hard without someone that loved me as much as he does. He has been so nice to me and taken care of me when my pregnant lady hormones make me a crazy mess. 

• I strongly believe that every child on earth deserves to be  to be born into a family with a father and a mother who both love them and have committed to love and take care of them their whole life long, just as every person is entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 

So now, first off, let's go through the concerns many people have on our behalf, and why they don't concern us.

You don't have very much money right now. 

Nope, we don't. We're college students, working minimum wage jobs part time.

But first off- we have never ever ever known hunger. We live in America, the nation that wastes the most food in the world, and we have been blessed. I don't think I'll ever have to really truly worry about my next meal. And as long as we can eat chili and rice, living in poverty isn't really a concern for me. We may not be able to afford a Netflix subscription or ice cream at the grocery store or McDonalds trips whenever we feel like it, but those are things you don't really need. Our baby won't go hungry. We may eat even more chili and rice than we do now, but that's okay. We could survive off those for about $20/month. Survival has never really been a legitimate concern for us. My heart goes out to those who truly do have to worry about basic concerns like that.

Secondly, for Bradley and I in our childhoods, growing up in poverty while our parents were still in school taught us so much about the value of hard work and money. And I don't remember growing up deprived. I had the playground across the street and a Barbie. That's all a little girl needs. Have you ever noticed children who receive expensive toys from the store for Christmas, and then they spend all day just playing outside in the dirt anyway? Or they spend all day with a ball? Kids require very little entertainment. And I remember the little things that cost money being so special- like 1/4 a stick of gum that was split between my siblings and I, or sugar cereal, because it was so rare. Those things made me really happy because they were special. My younger siblings don't remember those days, and sometimes they pass up the opportunity for an extra candy stick because they've had enough already. I can't imagine being like that as a child! :) In the meantime, I learned that we can't buy things at the grocery store just because I feel like it. Sacrifice now pays off later. Kids are just as happy being poor as they are with more resources. And the values they learn are values we want to instill in them anyway. Not having money to spare is a win-win situation!

You don't have space for a baby.

That's cause we like snuggling. :) Honestly- a baby grows up the first 9 months of life in a crowded amniotic sack. Do you think they really care if they get their own empty nursery room, painted with a cute theme and a wall full of cute wall hangings? As long as we can find room for a crib, we don't want to be too far away away from the baby either. We will have to find a larger space when the toddler needs to take naps behind a closed door, but for now- we can share. And finding a place with one more room in a few years won't be too hard. The baby doesn't want a dining room AND a living room AND a tv room AND a playroom. Those are things grownups imagine children want. Children want toys, and love, and a place to sleep their little head. One room will be plenty. I remember when our family lived in Texas- my sister and I shared a bunk bed and the baby's crib was right up against the bunk bed, separated only by our family's storage. My personal space in our house was limited to the surface of my bed, so I stacked my stuffed animals and books along the side of the mattress, and slept curled up in a corner of my bed. And I have fond memories of it- of going to sleep in the same room as the baby's lullaby music and telling them stories when they couldn't fall asleep. For children, more space is not necessarily the definition of happiness. Have you ever noticed how when you leave kids alone in a large empty house, they tend to follow you around wherever you are anyway? Kids like being together and playing- not being in big empty rooms.

You're skipping out on the time of your life to make new life experiences.

1. To one degree, we've already had that time. Bradley went and lived for 2 years in Spain serving a mission for the LDS church. I went to college, and volunteered with kids in Romania and Peru. We're at college living a college life. We've had some good times. 2. Isn't having a child, like- the best life experience you could have?

You're not done with school yet. That will be stressful. 

Yes, it will be harder. But we can manage our time. Won't a cute baby be the best motivation to manage our time, get stuff done efficiently, and do well in school so you can have time to snuggle their cute face and have the ability to provide for their needs? We can study while the baby sleeps. Right now in our free time we watch Downton Abbey, go on walks, and make meals together. Now we'll just snuggle a cute baby instead of binge-watching movies, and go on a walk and make meals with a cute baby. School will still be much harder, especially as I try to finish my student teaching while Bradley's in classes. But we'll survive. It's okay to do hard things.

So how come you haven't considered dropping out of college to take care of the baby?

Because I can do it. Education is very important. Women deserve education. I am only a semester away from graduation. Giving up now won't be worth it in the long run. I have known far too many women whose lives were turned upside down due to unexpected marital, medical, or financial catastrophes. When they don't have a good certification to fall back on, it's much harder for them and their families down the road. I want to be prepared with a degree and finish school. I also want to finish what I started and complete my dream of being a teacher. I am hoping to work very part time as some sort of teacher. I love teaching, and I'm an important person, so I deserve to finish.

You don't really have the time for a baby.

"Children aren't something you collect because they are cuter than stamps. Children aren't what you do when you've finished everything else exciting in life and have the time to settle down. Children are what God gave you time for." -Jeffrey R. Holland.

But you're only 21 years old. You don't know what you're doing. You have no idea how to raise a baby.

So true! If there's anything I've thought a lot lately, it's: "I have no idea what I'm doing." I had the same feelings when I packed my stuff into a car to move away from home, attended my first college class, and rode through the mountains of Romania at night in a taxi going to an orphanage in a country where I didn't speak the language with a taxi driver that was smoking, texting, cutting corners, and eating sunflower seeds simultaneously. :) Most of my best choices in life have required at least some level of bravery to try something I had no idea how to do.

And really- who DOES know what they're doing? Does anyone know how to raise a baby before they have one? Do 35-year-olds who've never had a child know more? Does waiting until you are older and doing other adult lifestyle things prepare you for a baby? It seems like no matter how old you are- you have no idea what you're doing until you take that baby home and realize their life depends on you, and you have to figure it out!

A baby will tie your life down.

Well, if you're talking about needing to "settle down" and quit smoking, drugs, alcohol, and partying- we never did that sort of stuff in the first place, so there's not much to stop.

If you're talking about stopping having fun- that's just not true! My favorite times with Bradley are when we are playing together- sledding, baking cookies, launching rockets, jumping on trampolines, or hiking in the mountains. All those things we can still go, but we can do it all with a cute little squirt. Plus- Bradley is so much more attractive to me when he's playing with kids. Maybe that's just me. :)

If you're talking about traveling, and staying out late, and buying cheap airplane tickets to cool places to take spur of the moment weekend trips, then- yes. Adjustments will have to be made. But it comes down to the kind of life you want to have. Consider the idea of a "free" life- does it bring happiness and fulfillment? Yes, it can. But for me, one of the most fulfilling times in my life was when I was in Romania volunteering at an orphanage. I couldn't be outside after 8pm for safety reasons. I was never allowed to be by myself outside. I had to be to work on time. I was preparing lessons every day, and walking an hour a day through knee-deep snow to get to where I needed to be. I was always exhausted. I had to room with, share money with, and spend 24 hours a day with girls I did not choose to be with. I was even paying an unreasonable amount of college tuition to pay a professor who we had absolutely zero contact with or help from. I definitely lost money on the deal. The experience wasn't about me. But I was contributing something meaningful to the world, and that brought me inner joy and peace that was deep and lasting, unlike the thrill of being "free" gives me. I would rather live an entire life with "less freedom", if it means I am doing something meaningful. This theory was actually developed by Victor Frankl, a psychologist who survived the Holocaust found that Holocaust victims could will themselves to survive if they thought the world was depending on them in some way. (Read Man's Search for Meaning- great book!) Motherhood will also bring me that- a reason for the world to depend on me, and something meaningful to give. Perhaps a baby will tie me down from being able to go to the movies late at night. But perhaps having the freedom to go to the movies late at night by myself is actually tying me away from the type of life that really brings me true joy.

Children steal youth from you.

Perhaps. But I want to give my youth to my children.

I want to be a young parent. I know it's not an option for everyone, but because it is for me, I want to be a young kid raising another young kid. :) Young parents have more energy to go down the slide with their kids and play soccer in the backyard with them. Kids keep the youth in you! And while I still have energy to go hiking and rock climbing, I can take my kids and we can have fun together! I loved having parents that were young enough to tackle me in the fall leaves. Plus- think of all the more grandkids I'll get to know because I won't be as old when they show up either.

SOOOO...... that's what I think in my mind when people start getting worried on my behalf. Thanks for the concerns. I know it will be hard. They are real concerns, and there is truth to many if not all of them. There is sacrifice involved. A LOT of sacrifice involved with bearing and raising a child. But, we've considered the sacrifices, and we consider them worth it. We are choosing this hard route. So- you don't have to feel bad or worry for us.

And...... when it really comes down to the nitty gritty, as Nacho Libre would say, none of the above reasons are really why we decided to have children so soon. We didn't make this decision just because we didn't have any concerns. If you wash any all these concerns and justifications for why the concerns will be okay, there are TWO MAIN REASONS why we really felt strongly about having a child now and taking this decision quickly:

1. I feel very strongly, and have for many years, that my greatest strengths and services to the world will be rendered as I give them as a mother. That is where I will be at my very best and truly making the world a better place. My LDS religion's culture influences this belief, as does my family upbringing, but this conviction is even more personal than that for me. When the world is quiet, and I'm outside, and alone, humming quietly and I look at the beauty of God's creations around me, and I can hear the spirit of God whisper eternal truths to my soul, I just know deep down that a mother is who I was supposed to be. It's something between me and God. He knows I can do it. Children aren't something I want to collect because they are cuter than stamps. They aren't what you do when you have the time. Children are what God gave me time on this earth for.

2. Bradley and I love each other very much, but as much as we do... we just felt like someone was missing from that love this past summer. We were planning on waiting a little longer before having children, but.... I already felt an emptiness. It was as if someone from heaven was calling down, excited to come and join the family. All the anxiety that used to flood my mind and heart whenever I would contemplate having a child in college (and yes- it used to fill me with anxiety. Before we were pregnant, I once left a class crying and prayed and prayed that a baby would NOT come before I was ready, because I was so nervous about having a child so soon)- all that anxiety that used to overwhelm me when I contemplated having a child in college suddenly melted away when I seemed to hear a little spirit calling that he wanted to come down and be with us. I have never legitimately worried since.

Again- this post is not meant to say that there is one right time or right way to have children. This post is certainly not meant to condemn anyone whose path is different than ours, or who for any reason cannot have children and desire to. I cannot think of anything more heartbreaking, and my heart goes out to you! BUT- if you always wondered what was going on in those crazy heads that wanted to have a child early while we were poor, and still in school, and so young- now you know. :)

No Hay Malcriados

On our first day in El Bichito- I was in for a surprise! The kids were less than well-behaved. In fact, they were quite naughty. Fighting in line. Blaming others. Lying left and right without feeling bad about it.

A co-worker came to me a few days later and asked me to identify which kids were perpetually malcriados. Naughty. Ill-behaved.

Eh..... that's kinda a hard question. I don't want to single out and say that one kid is always naughty.....

So I just didn't give him any names.

During the next week we had a huge change of system. We had explicit rules. And we kept track, told kids when we wrote them down for behavior and reminded them the next day when they came. And holy kamoley! All the kids followed through. After fighting the system for about 3 days, they realized we meant business and so all 62 kids decided to quietly read and be good. The exact same kids that were bouncing off the walls and kicking soccer balls in the room and using books to hit each other on the head, were now reading. Not only reading, but actually enjoying reading.

See? I told you. None of the kids were actually perpetually, inherently, malcriado.

Time to go on a teacher rant. The problem with a lot of kids' behavior is their expectations, how high their expectations are, and whether or not the person in charge of them follows through on those expectations by delivering consequences consistently. Kids are good. They are way more fresh from heaven than the rest of us. Less corrupted. More pure. Kids keep the world good and hopeful. Kids love pleasing adults, and if adults have expectations that can be clearly met, praised, and they can let the kids know that, kids will do anything for praise.

My favorite example of this is Wilder. The first day Wilder was THE BIGGEST TATTLE-TALE you ever did meet. Everything around him was chaos, and as soon as I would walk up to the situation, he blamed everyone else around him. Oh my goodness. Always cutting in line. It seemed much more important to him to blame someone else and get them in trouble than to be left alone by the teacher. If he was going to be given a stink eye, he was gonna make sure someone else got in way bigger trouble. Yikes.

I seriously considered labeling Wilder in my head as malcriado. I never wanted to do that to any kid, but I mean, what at all was well-behaved about Wilder? But, I thought, is it fair to label anyone like that in my head?

The problem with labels in your head, is that they change the way you treat that child. I didn't want to treat Wilder differently and with less trust and respect just because he was always bad. But.... was that fair? No.... I don't think so.....

So I didn't. I decided to give him a few more days and keep treating him like he was inherently good, even though it really didn't seem like it.

And what do you know??? But after 3 days, not only did he read well, but when he had the chance to go play soccer, his favorite thing to do, he wanted to stay behind and help another kid with his homework. WHAT?!?! "Wilder, what are you doing?" "I'm just helping him with his homework." ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That is AWESOME!!! You? I thought you were the naughty kid. But that's not naughty at all. That's golden. So... you must not be naughty by nature. Maybe by situation, or by the time of day, but.. not inherently. Inherently, you are good. Just needed expectations, and a chance.

He has never been a problem again. I think he may have attention deficit disorder, or something, because paying attention is so much harder than other kids. but he tries. And he's good. He takes care of his little brother. He follows through on all his expectations.

My favorite part is after he finishes, when he'll ask me, "I did good, right? I read good? I knew the answer for English? I played soccer well?"

And here, ladies and gentlemen, we see clearly the reason why he was such a problem in the first place- blaming other kids. He wants to please people, and do a good job.

There are no naughty children.

No hay malcriados.

The Biggest Lesson

Someone asked me recently what was the most important thing I had learned this time- being abroad.

Hmmm......

This has got to be it: That God is ALWAYS in charge.

So, working at El Bichito- the after school homework/lunch center for poor mountain kids in Puylucana, Peru was not my original plan. No- I was coming to Peru to take care of orphans! Child care. There's just something romantic about the idea of orphans that draws me to them. Rocking cute infant babies in your arms, letting them fall asleep on your chest. Being able to fill the hole of a mom they never had. Being able to call them "your kids" because they are no one else's. Showing them love they do not know. I loved it in Romania and I wanted to love it again- but this time with the beautiful South American children- with ojos abiertos and dark beautiful skin.

But it didn't work out. Long story short- the management for the orphanage changed and the new directors don't want to accommodate volunteers. The excuse was a paperwork problem. The problem was a miscommunication in a train of 6 people.

I was so dissapointed. No. This is not what I paid money to come and volunteer and do. No. No. No. And now I was going to have to go work with school kids. What? That is not what I signed up for. This is not what I paid money for. This is not why I am not working this summer and earning money I need. No. No. No.

And then, like a sun slowly rising on a dark world, throughout the course of my time here, I began to see exactly what God had in store for me. This was not a mistake at all. This was a shortcut to all the things I really needed in my life. He had it all planned out... perfectly. It's kinda scary how perfect it is, in fact.

My major is elementary education. I needed experience teaching students and managing students. I need practice with classroom management. For parenting sake, for a classroom's sake. And I got a class full of 80 kids who are unruly, used to getting away with things and lying. They all hated reading, avoided homework, and were not good at respecting the authority of a teacher. They were all ready to be molded into whatever I wanted to mold them into, depending on how I manage them and motivate them. Perfect for me to grow. It's not my paid job, so if I mess up, I don't lose my salary, but... it was all in my hands, ready to be experimented with and perfected. I got 80 pieces of playdough, and God told me I could just go and start experimenting! It took about a week of trying different ideas before I settled into a system that worked well. Now all the kids come every day, are respectful, love reading, love English class, and are polite. Es un milagro.

 My minor is contemporary dance, and I want to teach dance but have also never had my own classroom. There are about 4-5 girls here who love dancing and with whom I am able to teach ballet- french words- to Spanish students. :) They feel like princesses, I love it, and God granted me another opportunity I needed.

My other minor is teaching english as a second language. Guess what I do most of the time here? Teach English to Spanish-speaking kids. Adults too at night. It's perfect practice.

Boys. My biggest fear is what to do with middle school boys. With my brother and his friends especially, I just can't connect to them very well. I need experience and help. Guess what our biggest group of kids is? 6th grade boys. So much time to practice. I have gotten much better!

I need practice speaking spanish. One of the biggest problems in child education in the US is the fault of communication between the teachers and the Spanish-speaking parents. I want to be able to communicate with Spanish speakers. I needed practice. Well, you can't really practice speaking spanish to orphan babies. I lived in Romania for 3 months and I never really got the language because I just sang English lullabies and they never talked back. But to school age kids, that's all they wanna do- is talk to you. And to adults, and coworkers, and the JAS- young single adults- we are talking all the time. My Spanish fluency has really improved. Thank you God.

I needed practice setting up a classroom. Boom. All the supplies were in one room.

We had an entire floor- the 3rd floor empty. We made posters, labeled books, moved and made benches for all the kids. Boom. My first classroom breathed it's first breath. And man was I excited.

I needed practice setting up a system that would perpetually encourage kids to read and learn simply because of the way it was set up, that could be perpetuated across other volunteers. Granted. We worked on it a lot, and the system holds up and keeps the kids motivated and accountable. Children's literacy gets me so excited.

This sounds bad- but it's true- I needed practice working with people who are dishonest and lazy. How could I encourage them to work as a team and contribute? I needed to practice getting along with them and maintaining good relationships. Need granted. People who were almost enemies when we arrived are now some of our dearest friends.

I have always been timid in sharing my faith, and I needed practice not being so ashamed. Here, we work with the LDS missionaries a lot to help them visit people. We met a really nice girl down the street who is always asking so many questions from the missionaries about God and we love inviting her over to learn English, have fun, and have missionary lessons. I have learned to value my faith in a whole new light when I can see someone else desiring it so much. This perhaps is my greatest joy- recognizing the joy in missionary work. I needed this, and I got it.

And perhaps there are needs of the community that only God knows, but that He is granting for them through my service. Perhaps God wanted me to play the piano for the ward and for Hanna to teach the Young Women how to lead music. Perhaps something else we taught them, they needed. I don't know. It's all in His hands.
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Besides my needs, I had a few wants too. Wishes. Desires, that were also granted.

I just wanted to see a more traditional culture, and live in a poorer place to experience poverty. I've always desired this my whole life- to live in poverty for just a while. To know it by experience. Not essential to my growth, perhaps, but it was a wish of my heart, and we got transferred from big city Trujillo with 2 million people to little pueblo Puylucana with 1000 people where most adults are illiterate, most people don't brush their teeth, they wash their clothes by hand in the river and the people build their own houses out of dirt. Wish granted. Not only is it what I personally wanted, but it's also 10 times safer for two traveleing gringas than a big city like Trujillo with much more crime.

Perhaps there are more things I have yet to fully realize that God also wanted me to see, know, learn.

Perhaps God wanted to teach me that, in some situations, children with single parents who have nothing to do during the day are at more risk than orphans who have constant caregivers watching over them 24/7, employed by the state.

Perhaps he wanted me to see that education is another key to success, just like a nuclear family is. (But it is not anywhere as near as important as family!!)

Perhaps he wanted those kids to experience the joy of reading, the joy of education, and He knew that I might be the person for the job.

Perhaps he wanted me to experience stepping back, saying "I'll Go Where You Want me to go, Dear Lord,", and really meaning it. I wanted to rock baby orphans. But that didn't happen. Here I am in an after-school center, in Puylucana. I didn't want to go to Puylucana. But here I am. So yeah- I'll go here.

And you know what? Besides all those other things I have learned, needed, and experienced, when it comes down to it- I just love these kids. They are so cute, so sweet, so smart. They are the most selfless and generous children I have ever met, and they take care of each other and their siblings with a care I do not see as much in the United States.

And even with their quirks- their lying and complaining- I just like them, they make me laugh, and none of them are inherently bad or perpetually naughty. Children come with a rare innocence that I am only starting to recognize through my new adult eyes. King Benjamin knew what he was talking about when he said everyone should becometh as a little child. These kids are good. They're my friends. And I will really miss them.

Dallin H. Oaks, said, "Seek always for the broader view of the majestic work of God."

And for the 5th time in my life, when major life decisions and turning points in my life have arose, God's way is better than my way.

Tuesday, 2 more days, is our last day with the kids. And I can for sure say that this is definitely the most valuable and important lesson I have learned in Peru: He is ALWAYS in charge.

So, stop worrying when it doesn't all go exactly according to your plan. Just step back. Enjoy watching the miracles of God unfold. Let your jaw drop at how perfect it turns out. Let your little tiny self soak in the majesty of a bigger plan- a bigger purpose- bigger and better than you or anything you could have planned.

And in the meantime, serve with grace, consciously choose to have a blast, 

and enjoy being a small part of those miracles.

The Problem with Reading...

It's more fun than TV!

Every day after lunch we let the kids watch 20 minutes of a movie in English before we start reading. 

The problem is, many kids claim their book as soon as they get in the room, and they start reading while the TV is still rolling! 

Reading is just more fun and novel for them! It makes my heart happy.

El Rey Leon

Every day after lunch while we are waiting for everyone to finish eating, we watch an English movie upstairs. This helps us corral all the niños in an organized way, but it also doesn´t matter when they arrive. This helps us to all start reading at the same time afterwards.

This week we have been watching El Rey Leon- The Lion King, but in English. Today we watched the scene where the stampede in the gorge kills Mufasa and Simba sees his father die. The kids usually understand mas o menos what's going on, but today they understood it all.

I always hold my laptop in my lap so they can all see the screen, and I watch the best movie- them. :)

But today it was so sad. Their eyes were so terrified. So pitiful. They saw Simba's suffering, and it hurt them too.

It was one of the saddest sights I have ever seen- 50 Peruvian mountain kids, worried and afraid and sorrowful for the absense of Simba's father in his life and the pain at his parting. They didn't need it to be in Spanish and they didn't need translation. Death is life, family is life, and they knew it.

Life is the same for all of us. Things that make someone cry, like losing a parent, usually hurt just as bad for the next person.

It makes me want to be more compassionate towards others I don't understand. Some people do weird things I really disagree with- but at their core- they too are human. They want love, family, acceptance, public success. This motivates all of us. People that do weird things usually just have different means of achieving what I too am trying to achieve, they just attempt success differently than I do, usually because their culture or family or hard circumstances have trained them to fight their wars differently.

So let us be compassionate.

How to make people do things they really don't want to do:

This requires a story from Romania.

There was a little girl in Chloe and Madeline's room. She was handicapped. Very handicapped. She sat in a wheelchair all day where her stick-thin legs hung over the frame, and her head seemed too big for her body that was withering away. She could barely hold her head up, because she had no neck muscles, and nothing to look at, so her head just hung there, attached by a small neck, drooping over the front of her little body. A life long of never wanting to hold your head up robs you of all your neck muscles.

In the orphanage, Madeline and Chloe would work with her. Their goal for her was to hold her head up by herself. She could do it, but she just never wanted to try. But they would smile at her, and say "Keep your head up!" every time they caught her head hanging down. She was usually lazy and wouldn't hold her head up for the workers, but when Chloe and Madeline were watching, and told her, "Keep your head up!", she did better.

This little girl lived her life in the orphanage, except for the few occasions she would leave to go to the hospital because she was sick. Orphans get sick a lot. Perhaps because they do not have a lot to live for. Perhaps because of sanitation. Perhaps because of too many children within too few walls.

So, again, this little girl got sick. And had to go to the hospital.

In the afternoon, Chloe, Madeline, and Hannah went to the hospital to visit the orphans there and were surprised to find the girl they knew from the orphanage! The little girl immediately recognized them and started smiling. They went over to her, took her big but fragile 10 year old body out of the crib, and just held her. She was sick. She needed love. She needed rest.

As soon as they took her in their arms, however, without even being asked, this sick little girl started grunting, and soon enough- her head was up. Madeline told her, “Oh, little (girl), you don't have to hold your head up today. You're in the hospital, you're sick, you can just rest and get better today.”
But her head stayed up strong, because she wanted to be good for them.

Why is that? She doesn't like trying to hold up her head. After a lifetime in the orphanage, she had lost her neck muscles because she never wanted to hold up her head. It wasn't worth it to her. Even babies want to hold their head up. But she didn't. So why did she try so hard, without being asked, for Chloe and Madeline?

Because- THEY LOVE HER, and she knows it, so she wants to please them and be good for them. Hannah said she was really touched and she almost started crying.

That is the secret to making people do things they really don't want to do. Loving them.