Ten Books that Changed My Life

Many people have “favorite books”, such as Harry Potter or the Twilight series, which they may have read several times (Yes, I have read Harry Potter 7 three times as well. LOVE IT.)

However I find myself different from most people in that when I read a book, I become obsessed by looking for the theme or the lesson. What I am really looking for is not something that entertains or is fun so much as something that really teaches me something novel, and ends up changing me. Even with children’s picture books, this is the standard I hold many books up to- does it change or teach something the child does not already know? I 100% don't think this is necessarily best, healthy, or a good standard to hold everything up to the light like this- I have seen lots of research about the power of fictional stories for children and adults, but it's just how I am.

So my top ten favorite books list is instead “Ten Books that Changed My Life”, because indeed- that is why they are my favorites! And at the bottom, I have a list almost as long of honorable mentions because- you know- I had a hard time picking just ten. :D 

Ten Books that Changed My Life

• The Book of Mormon

• Read 8 times cover to cover, and more than that in between. Memorized many verses. Studied for a year long class in 6 classes. Basis for the religion I was raised in. The first and only book I ever thought was 100% "true". Many sections echo the sermon on the mount, which in my opinion is the most influential part of the Bible. 

• Guided and directed my behavior for many many years. Was used almost as a personal therapist or counselor for many years. Brought so much peace and happiness.

• This was the one book we took on our honeymoon and read every day together- as I had for 7 years previously by myself, and as we continued to do together every day for the next few years.

• Before this book I was just Mormon because my family was. After this book I was Mormon because I was fully converted myself, and I was willing to worship in a way that in some ways was more orthodox than my family.

• Educated by Tara Westover

• Gave me permission to think that aspects of my own family's culture were weird, and that through education and intentional, healthy decision making, I could have the permission to discontinue family traditions that no longer serve me or my communities. This more than anything truly awakened me, and is at the top of my list. If my list were ranked this would be #1. Education is everything. Before this book I was more blind as to to why things in my own family culture seemed “off”. After this book I felt confident labeling them as dysfunctional and unhealthy, and I felt I had the permission to make a different choice.

• How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

• Practical tips that I 100% attribute to why, in my obviously-not-so-humble opinion 🤣, I was "popular" and had many friends in elementary and high school. Before this book I had a hard time making friends. After this book I got much better.

• Odyssey of a Romanian Street Child by Catalîn Dobrișan

• Intensely cultivated empathy in me for destitute children and the homeless. Being homeless and surviving off drugs is not someone's fault, and it changed my mind that giving a homeless person money that they immediately use on drugs is a bad or unchristian act. This deepend a desire in me to keep looking for meaningful ways to serve these populations in the future. Before this book I often would look away from the homeless or not donate money “because they’ll just use it on drugs”. After this book I felt challenged to look towards them more, and when I do ignore, I feel massive guilt, because I know it is not their fault.

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

• The principles in this book, along with professional therapy, kept our marriage together in a tough spot. It helped re-train many automatic patterns into more skillful, stable, and healthy relationship building. We have always had love for each other, but many of our day-to-day practices were just imitating what we had seen or had assumed would work. This book gave us the science-based practices to intentionally make our day to day habits effectively match our love and be better received. I am still practicing for sure.

• Four Lenses Unfolded by Nathan K. Bryce

• This helped me embrace and lean in to the fact that all people, but especially me and my husband and my parents, just have different personalities when it comes down to it, and many strengths/weaknesses in a person's character are just arbitrary labels based on the perspective of a certain personality type. This also helped me choose and lean into a career path that suits my strengths, and also taught me why the public school system doesn't work for everyone, and homeschooling has its place.

• Fanny's Dream by Caralyn Buehner

• I have read this book to myself as a grown adult woman probably 200 times. Many children's literature experts actually do not consider this children's literature, despite being a picture book. This reminds me that in life, and especially in marriage, the real magic and the real dream comes from living a life with two very imperfect, quirky, ordinary people. I am living the dream!

• The Lesson by Carol Lynn Pearson

• I do not think there is a lesson to be learned from life, but if I had to choose one that I think everyone should just "get"- it is the lesson described in this book, by my favorite author. The lesson that what it's all about is loving others. I read this book to almost every class I teach on the last day of class, and I hope this book is read at my funeral.

• Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

• Reading this book saved our marriage, and honestly saved myself, even IF the marriage had failed. It began a process of educating me on my biggest weakness, and has empowered me in healthy boundry-ing in so many relationships in life. Repeat after me: I am responsible for my own health and happiness.

• No Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie

• Gave a historical view of my own religion from a perspective that didn't assume faith or infallibility. It's still very biased, which is why I don't think it is a good history book either, but it reminded me what bias is and that I should be aware of it. Before the book I saw Joseph Smith as a perfected man. After the book I saw him as just a man.

Honorable Mentions:

Books that didn’t make the top ten, but are still a huge part of me and still definitely changed me.

• Becoming by Michelle Obama

• This gave me, as a woman, the inspiration and courage to be a passionate, educated, and impactful woman to my community. And to be accepting of the fact that I am never truly done "becoming" who I am going to keep growing to be.

• The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan

• Initiated a feeling of connection with the earth through my food choices, and increased my desire to make food choices that help my own species and the Earth, rather than trashing both at the same time. I ate differently after this book, and I hope to keep making changes. I am not vegetarian or vegan but this book convinced me that they are probably the morally superior way to eat, without shaming me for eating meat.

• Zealot by Reza Aslan

• This gave me a completely different perspective on my biggest hero, Jesus Christ, from a historian who also reveres Jesus, but in a strictly historical, rather than faithful, way. It reminds me how important history is.

• Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankyl

• Meaning comes from making a difference to someone or something you care about. You can cultivate meaning in destitute situations and this meaning can lead to a desire to survive and/or thrive. This influenced how I feel I can help those around me struggling with mental illness.

• The Sign of the Beaver by Elizabeth George Speare

• Besides the Book of Mormon, this is the only book I reread the whole thing, and I reread it twice. This is the foundation for my optimism, sometimes unfounded, that opposite cultures can work together and be friends. I also just loved it because I had a thing for a really really long time for pioneers and Indians.

I am only 25 years old and so hopefully I have 3x what I have already lived to keep living and keep reading! I am sure some of what will be my new favorite and life changing books I just haven't read yet. I can't wait to see what they will be. Will you share some of your favorite life changing books with me by commenting below?

(And I can’t finish this post without thanking my dad for recommending a decent chunk of these, along with just modeling to me what a thirst for knowledge and a love of reading looks like. I love you Daddy-O!)

Things I Miss Most About Provo

It has been a long time since I left Provo, but this post has been on my heart for a while because it was my home for a good 7 years after high school graduation. Here's everything I miss about Provo the town (not the people- that's a different post).

The Unique Food:

• Hruska's Kolaches. You HAVE to try raspberry creme, and their savory rolls too. It makes me feel so grown up to be buying an international breakfast, and at $2/roll, I can absolutely afford to splurge every once in a while. 

• BYU Creamery- Peanut Butter Trails, German Chocolate Crunch, Graham Canyon. Flavors I haven't been able to find since. 😭 Also- their mint chocolate brownie chocolate milk!!!

• Sushi Ya. Higher end on the price range, but worth every. single. penny. Possibly the most delicious food ever. You have to try the spicy mountain crunch roll.

Close and Awesome Nature:

• Rock Canyon- for walks, rock climbing! And a 3 hour squaw peak hike. I can't believe we used to be within walking distance and didn't go more often.

• Mount Timp. You gotta do the classic overnight hike to see the sunrise on the mountain.

• Provo River next to the Riverwoods. If you approach it from the Riverwoods parking lot, it is one of the most peaceful places in town.

BYU Stuff:

• All the free and high quality museums, specifically- Bean Museum and the MOA. Did I say FREE?!?!

• Clean, beautiful places to be in quiet by yourself and study. You have to try the ground level of the JFSB right underneath the museum. Just thinking about those chairs and view makes me calm down.
• BYU Library. Books galore! Places to eat food! Countless desks.

• Dance Performances- especially World of Dance, Christmas Around the World, and Rec Nights for folk dance in the RB. Wish I could attend just one more.

Provo Library

One of the most beautiful and historical buildings in town. So many resources. So many free programs. I just like looking at their big beautiful staircases.

I would love to hear what you love about Provo!

Making Adult Friends: Tips that Worked for Me Moving to Florida

I was scared out of my mind when we moved across the country and left all our friends and family for the first time as an adult. How would I find friends as a stay-at-home mom without coworkers or an active community to plug into? The more I have become immersed in different communities of adults, but especially moms, the more I realized that this is a HUGE problem for almost everyone, and no one really feels like they are good at it. Even US presidents feel the awkwardness of meeting new people and hoping they make a good impression. I have struggled just as everyone has, but a year and a half later after moving I realized that I tried really hard and I have friends! 

I have seen SO MANY posts recently from women feeling like they don't even know where to start- and I remember that feeling! So here’s some tips that helped me:

To find people: 

• Check Facebook and Meetup.com for local moms groups, parents groups, playdate groups, etc. You’d be surprised how many people organize online and will invite anyone.
• Go to public places where others that have something in common with you might hang out- public playgrounds, children’s storytime, churches, the gym, school districts, Fit4Moms, scout troops, or exercise classes. When I was there, I would look for other parents/kids that seemed a similar age to my kids, coach my kids into introducing themselves, then I would turn to the parent and ask how old their kid is, what their name is, and then start making small talk about the event or our kids and their personalities. If after a minute or two I felt like we could possibly be friends, I would ask for their phone number and say, “Hey! We come here a lot/we go to the park a lot (something like that) and you’re always welcome to join us. Can I get your number and text you next time we go to invite you?” I’ve never been turned down.
• I always do the first couple meet-ups in free public places for low-stakes reasons and safety reasons- like walking to look at Christmas lights, parks, pumpkin patches, etc. After that if I felt solid I would progress to inviting them to other venues, including our home. Look around at your work, or ask your significant other if there’s anyone they’ve been wanting to invite from their work. 

Other General Tips:

• Don’t rule anyone out because they don’t seem “your type”. My current best friends would have been weeded out early if I had been picky because they initially seemed unlike me- one is 40 years my senior, one is the local pastor’s wife, another is a full time working mom, another dyed her hair pink and swore all the time. I love them all.
• Invite people to things you would be doing anyway. Do you go swimming on Fridays? Were you wanting to try that new restaurant across town? Do you go on a walk around your neighborhood most evenings? I bet there is a mom who would LOVE to join you walking with her stroller and baby in tow. You don’t have to overthink it.
• Hack I figured out: If I invite them to something NOT at our house- like a hike, library event, park play date, McDonalds play place or community festival, then I don’t have to clean my house (GASP) which is 90% of the stress for me surrounding inviting friends over.
• I always try to plan something to do and/or something to eat- even if those are SUPER simple. For example, go to the park and watch our kids play and give the kids fruit snacks at the end. Or come over to our house and eat quesadillas while the kids play with puzzles.
• Be generous! Nothing will attract others more than feeling like you value them as a guest. I remember meeting another mom at the park once and she had brought my son and I smoothies that she picked up on the way. I was like oooo can I keep you forever? I always tried to use that as a model for the kind of friend I wanted to be.
• Storytime on generosity: My senior year of college when we were deciding between inviting our sisters over for dinner every week (expensive) or just doing it every other week and hoping that they invited us over the other weeks it occurred to me that I'm not really paying for their food, I'm paying for the privilege of spending time with them. I am absolutely willing to pay $40/week for a friend that comes and hangs out on my couch every week and isn't in a hurry to leave because they're not hungry. Once I made that realization, my hosting habits totally changed. Suddenly I wasn't saving the yummy pork roast for days we ate alone as a family- I was saving them for the company! I believe life is meant to be shared and enjoyed with other people. And as my husband says, money is just numbers you push around for happiness. One of the biggest factors in human happiness is your social network. 
• I had to get over the hope that someone else would invite me first. Harsh truth is, they usually won’t. They are usually sitting alone, lonely in their homes too, hoping someone will invite THEM. I just think to myself, “I am going to invite them first, and second, and third, and AFTER that we can gauge if there is good give and take in the relationship.” Usually after the 2nd or 3rd invite they were inviting us back to things in return. Sometimes they need a jump start just as much as you.
• If someone ever DOES give you an invite, strongly consider changing your other plans so that you can make it! Once you attend an event/invite once, it’s much easier to attend again or get another invitation.
• Stop thinking so much about yourself and try to become immersed in being interested in other people. As Dale Carnegie says, “You can make more friends in 2 months by being interested in other people than you can in 2 years trying to make other people interested in you.”
• Easy ways to be interested in other people are- 
• 1. Memorizing their name, and calling them by name. Say "Hey Lynn!" instead of "Hey!" when you pass them in the library, or "Bye Hannah!" instead of "Bye!" It's magic.
• 2. Complimenting them. It doesn't have to be rocket science. Yes, you can just say, "I like your shirt." People are not hard to rewire into feeling good about you because you complimented them. If you think of something more genuine, all the power to you!
• 3- Smiling. I forget this one a lot, especially as motherhood has made me feel constantly tired rather than bubbly all the time, but it takes down a lot of people's guards.
• Get rid of the thought, “Do they like me?” As Noah Rasheta in Secular Buddhism teaches, that question isn’t helpful at all, and truthfully you’ll never really know the answer anyway. (See his episode 145).

To all my current and past mom friends who taught me how to do this by example, you know who you are and I love and am grateful for you!

I would love to know what helps you! Please comment and let me know below!!!