Feelin' Chicken

And, lest you all think I'm a holy nun that sits in church clothes all day long and ponders the meaning of life and never eats junk food, I'd like to dedicate this video to anyone who has ever felt afraid- like a chicken.

My roommates, I mean, the chickens, will not be named.

They all hope to be married someday.

Luckily my heart's still set on Bradley,
 and he won't see this for a while. :)

Sacred Gifts

BYU's Museum of Art has a special exhibition going on: Sacred Gifts, showcasing the gifts of artists to depict Christ, especially the works of Carl Bloch. I definitely don't consider myself artsy fartsy, but I went today, and was touched. And I wanted to share a little bit about my favorite paintings, and why they touched me. Maybe they'll touch you too.

1. "Let the Little Children Come" by Carl Bloch

"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God." -Luke 18:16

I like how Christ's right arm is completely around this little girl, like He is protecting him, and his right hand is over the child's. Then His left arm is holding another boy's, and He's looking up at the other adults standing up as if he were a child too, asking, "Please can I play with these other kids for a while?" The curtains over his head were used in temples or palaces anciently to be placed above or behind people or great nobility, such as behind a king's throne, so in this painting, Christ just so happens to be crouched directly under a beautiful curtain- signifying His nobility. Last part- there's a little kid squished behind an apostle against the wall, forgotten by the adults, and probably most viewers. CUTENESS!

2. "Christus Consolator" by Carl Bloch

I love the diversity of people surrounding Christ:

• The exhausted old man in yellow robes on the lower left resting his head on Christ
• The middle-aged man with a red robe in the lower right, passionately clinging to Christ's robe, as if he owes everything he has to Christ, and he never wants to let Him go (Those first two men lean into Christ, forming an isosceles triangle pointing up to Christ's face as the focal point)
• The man on the right in chains, cautiously approaching Christ, begging for his broken heart to be a good enough offering despite his past sins
• The gentle women on the left, faithfully looking to Him, seeing his light
• And last, the child looking at the viewer, as if questioning, "Aren't you going to come see Him, too? What does He mean to you?"

3. "The Mocking of Christ" by Carl Bloch

I can't explain exactly why this one was special to me, but if you look at the dark red drops of blood on His head, and the pain in His eyes, maybe it will be special to you too.

4. "Christ Healing at the Pool of Bethesda" by Carl Bloch

I love that Christ looks so tall, so clean, so good, and the man under the burlap looks so crippled, so dirty, so confused. And yet, Christ took the thought, and the time, to lift up the burlap, and see who was underneath. Because... because He loved that dirty man. Christ's friends are confused. They're in the background to the left, you can tell they'd been following Him around, but they're keeping their distance in this moment, and it looks like they're saying, "What in the world is He doing? Doesn't he know that's where the dirty people go? I'm not going over there. Oh my goodness- there's actually a man under that burlap!" I think Christ's love shocked people- those who followed Him around, and those Christ approached to help. The crippled man is so shocked, he doesn't even know what to do with himself. He seems startled by the light- because he has been in the darkness for so long. This, to me, is a central message of what I believe: to try and notice the people who hurt, and try to bring light into their life.

5. "Peter's Remorse" by Carl Bloch

Ah, my favorite. The littlest painting, well- it wasn't even a painting. Bloch did this etching when he was still in art school and hadn't graduated to doing full-fledged paintings yet. But oh- how I love this. We always give Peter such a hard time, for denying Christ 3 times, even though he was the chief apostle. And yes, he probably shouldn't have. But oh- just look at this man's pain. His remorse. His regret, that he hadn't been all he could have for his dearest friend, that he had failed the man who taught him so much. It just....hurts. Hurts me- just to look at this etching, because it awakens memories of feelings in me, of feeling horrible- of not being all I could have for a friend, of saying things I wish I hadn't, of forgetting people I should have remembered, or hurting people I really truly loved.

And yet- here's the glory of it: while this etching captures a small moment- perhaps the hardest moment, in Peter's life, Peter's life did not end here. When Christ returned as a resurrected being, he entrusted Peter with one of the greatest responsibilities and missions ever:

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him,^aFeed my ^bsheep.

John 21:17

Even in his shame of knowing he had denied Christ, Peter knew Christ knew his heart, and he said, "thou knowest that I love thee." There's the hope. Even when we make mistakes, Christ knows our hearts, He knows we are greater than our mistakes, and He's not done using us for great things when we make mistakes. 

The key is- we have to, have to, feel like Peter did in this small etching. Feeling sorry is an essential step. If we really aren't that ashamed of what we have done, or we don't wish with all our hearts that we hadn't done it, chances are good we'll do it again, or even if we never do, we lose the motivation to be even better- even more loving, more caring, more good to God's children- because we don't feel like we owe anyone anything. Making mistakes makes us feel in debt. In debt to others, and in debt to Christ. If mistakes are working right, they make us feel horrible. And, if Christ is working right, which He always is, and if our hearts are open to Him, He makes us feel wonderful. So wonderful, that we want with all our hearts and souls to be like Him. So everyone around us can feel that unconditional, never-failing love. We want to smile, to sing, to dance, to help, to clean, to study, to work, to laugh, to love. 

And then- we can move on. And do miracles.

SURPRISE!!!

I'm going to Romania! It'll be an unpaid internship through BYU volunteering at an orphange in the morning, and with the abandoned children in the hospital in the afternoons.

I'll only be there for 3 months (the policy for visitors to the country of Romania) and come back in April a few weeks before winter semester at BYU ends. Usually it's a small group of mostly girls- it looks like this winter it will be 5 girls. We'll live in communist block apartments in the large city in northeastern Russia called Iasi (pronounced Yash).

Child abandoning is really common in Romania. The country is still healing from the last communist regime, which ended only 24 years ago in 1989 under Nicolae Ceausescu. To build Romania's work force, he outlawed contraception, so way more children were conceived than the country than support, and many children were turned over to the state. Many women who knew they couldn't support another child tried desperately dangerous forms of abortion, often resulting in defects later in their children. My number one purpose won't be to change the system, but to love the kids and help them develop trust in an adult that actually cares about them- to resurrect the light of Christ they were born with. My second purpose is to work with them physically, emotionally, and cognitively, to start making the child development milestones they are all so behind on. Some kids 8 years old still don't know how to walk, because no one ever taught them- they've been in a crib their whole life. Part of the cultural immersion class is instruction from a special education lady who will teach us how to assess the children and start making plans for their treatment.

 Plus- the weekends will be fun. We can travel. Dracula's castle is in Bucharest, I think, and the train system is really cheap and the program directors have mapped out where all the safe hostels are so we can be safe when we travel on the weekends. I'll get to be there for Romanian Easter, which is apparently a huge deal for Romanian Orthodox Catholics, which is the predominant religion there. We'll attend the small branch there, and double the numbers of their members, and help them stay strong.


Every church lesson, every geography class, every trip to the TRC, every university devotional, every trip to the temple, every time I read my scriptures, or listen to a hymn, every time I see a child, everything seems to be saying the same thing to me: Go to Romania. It's amazing how strong and clear and distinct a message from God can come to you. I literally think about it all the time.

There are 75 at the orphanage and hundreds whose families abandon them at the hospital- all alone. A past intern said in one room there's 30 babies in separate cribs that just sit there all day. And even though you wouldn't think it- we're learning a lot about cognitive and physical child development in my human development class, and studies have shown that human interaction- physical contact and talking to adults are essential to helping children grow psychologically and cognitively. Without it- the kids can't walk, can't talk, aren't happy, don't know how to share or have friends. Studies have also shown that even limited interaction with a loving parent figure can have lasting positive affects.


I looked up statistics about European countries rate of natural increase, gross domestic product, Human development Index, percent of population living below $2/day, life expectancy, and under age 5 mortality rate. Spain consistently ranked with the best conditions, even higher than England and France, and Romania consistently tied with Macedonia ranking the worst. Crazy. That only makes me more sad for those children. Imagine not only being born into a terrible country with limited freedoms and opportunities, but not even having a mommy or a daddy to come help you when you cry or smile or play with you. In Human Development, we learned how by age 14, some of the children in the Romanian state orphanages who had lived with hundreds of other children their entire lives still did not know the meaning of the word “friend.” When asked, they would report if they had a sister or brother, but they did not have any friends. Another past intern said she went into a hospital room once and saw a kid that had been laying in his puke for 3 hours, even though the nurses were literally right outside his room in the hall playing computer games, and she cleaned him up. Horrible. I think every child deserves to have a mommy and daddy who love them and love each other.

At one university devotional in particular, I don't remember what the speaker spoke about, because a little boy with down syndrome was sitting in front of me, and I couldn't stop watching him. He was snuggling with his older brother, and then his mom came and he was snuggling with her and hi-fiving her the whole time. And to think there are kids like that- that don't have someone to snuggle with. No one to hi-five. Whenever I walk to dance class, I can hear the kids at the BYU preschool. In Romania, the children are left there, behind closed doors all day long, with no one to talk to them. I want so bad to become that charity that Moroni talks of- to literally do what Christ would do for those kids. This is my chance!

Now to learn the language! Luckily it's a TON like Spanish, so grammer and verb conjugation isn't completely foreign, and the latin roots are all the same, but it sounds like Russian, and I have a hard time with pronunciation.

This is what I want to do- be a mom to the mommy-less. Because I have been given much.... I too must give. And with children- this is just something I'm extremely passionate about. Being a wife and a mom- those are my greatest dreams. I guess I always thought I'd be a wife first, but I guess God had a better plan. I am so grateful. God is so good to me. I hope I can be good to His kiddos.

Why Being Apart is Worth It

Because look who he's with.

Bradley and Elder Olsen have been teaching this family for a while. The two sons, Bian and Israel, told Bradley they want to be policemen when they grow up, but first, they want to be elders. :) The dad was inactive, but he decided to go back to church, and he got to baptize his own sons. Carla, the wife, loves the temple, and put two mirrors on either side of their family room. She reads gospel material for two hours every day. They are so excited to work towards being sealed in the temple together for time and all eternity.

We BAPTISED yesterday, sunday. The part member family. The two boys, Bian and Isreal were baptised by their father, who was rectivated. We have been going to teach them several times a week, and the wife, carla always insists on fixing a little something to eat. It is usually a heaping plate of meat and rice and vegetables. Grilled eggplant is really good. She is from Nicaragua and he is from Peru. I definately want to go to south america later. He shows us pictures of Peru all the time, and it is breathtaking and rich in history and culture. It was awesome to see him baptise his sons. I asked them what they wanted to do for work when the grow up, and Brian, who will be 12 and get the preisthood next week, said, "I want to be a policeman or a lawer. But first, I was thinking about being an Elder.¨ He was totally serious. Like, that is what he wants to do when he grows up. Isreal, who will be 14 next month, said the same, a policeman after his mission. That was awesome.

Then, last week, Bradley, I mean, Elder Buttars, got to baptize another 12 year old girl named Ariana. Here's what Bradley said:

 They are all poor and humble and believe in God. But Arturo, her dad has kind of turned from God in his trials, and wishes he weren't a member. But hes a nice guy, and is opening up.

The baptism for Ariana was awesome. It happened last night. I baptised her. Her mom bore her testimony, and it was really special. They were really hard and didn't want to have much to do with the family or church when we got here, but we have been so patient and loved them and taught to their needs. The things we taught didn't really matter, just love, the spirit and their fulfilling commitments eventually. Then we got all those old teaching records, and the missionaries have been going off and on for years (they've been here for 10 and inactive for all of it) and they all complained about how they are kinda lazy or hostile or don't want anything. And looking back, I can see such a huge change, but cant really point to when it happened. Anyway, during her testimony she really thanked us for loving them. They are super open with us and trust us with lots of things. The tension in their family has eased (some of the sisters came to the baptism, and Arturo the dad gets along with Carmen Ofelia, mom of Edita, who came to the baptism. She is an awesome grandma. She has 15 kids, most inactive). The spirit was really strong. After the baptism I hugged Arturo and he hugged me so tight and whispered thank you elder, thank you and cried. They are super strong now. He texted us later that night and said basically that they will never forget that night or us, and they´ll never quit praying reading and going to the church. Forever. Oh, the week before we told them they'd have to be strong because satan attacks people hard right before baptisms. Then this past week all of them got the flu bad, elder Olsen got it, the ward wanted to move their baptism back to, first the 24th of nov, then the 1st of dec to do a big baptism with a bunch of kids in the ward, but we fought it and made it special just for them and didnt want them to get lost in a hand of during transfers (around nov 25thish). And Edita lost her job this week, which she had just found. Arturo hasn't had work for years. They live off food stamps I think. But they toughed it out, we gave them all blessings and it all worked out. It was so great to see the whole family together in the church. This has been so special and humbling to be part of. Missionaries have been going by for years and years, and their hearts finally opened. They love us so much.

So this morning I read Jacob 5. (we started reading the bom as a mission the monday after conference and will finish by the end of the year, in 85 days, the time it took to translate the book. Except I´ll finish before then at the rate I´m reading. And I´m doing it in spanish. ) Anway, that was an emotional experience. We opened this area, the section of the Lord´s vinyard we´ve been charged with. It was a wild overgrown vinyard. I had a little vision while I was reading. The members are the roots. Without them the rest dies. We got here, and had 3 good roots. Geovanny(recently reactivated) Segundo(strong member, wife is strong catholic) and ancient Carmen Ofelia(babbles and gives good food and no references). That was it. we had a couple goodish branches, or investigadors. Blanca, who is a sickly branch, Carla, who is a great branch, and Brian and Isreal, who were already to be harvested. Not very much at all to work on considering there is 150ish people in our ward and they all live in the 3 areas of the 6 other missionaries of the ward. So we have been pruning and working diligently and obeying the lords commandments. And have seen miracles. The area is in bloom and shortly it will all be fruit. The fruit will be planted, and become more roots to work of of. Read it. This is the last tiem the Lord is harvesting, the most important time in the history of the church ancient or rrestored (jeramiah 16:14-16). Verses 63 or 70 and on of Jacob 5 is our time. He has called all his servants, and He is laboring with us, and we are seeing miracles. I love Jacob 5. I wept. He is gathering his good branched. And casting the bad into the fire. It sure is hard work and seems like there are a lot of bad for the good, but the good are great. I love you guys.

This kid is my hero. He is doing so many wonderful things. I love him so much.

Poor, Poor, Thomas: Science v.s. Faith

Disclaimer: This post is a direct copy-paste of my lecture notes from Biology class with C. Riley Nelson at BYU. So, these aren't my words. I just happen to really agree with them all.

"How many of you have sat in on a Sunday school class and the consensus at the end was,

 “Poor Thomas. He should have believed.”?

Well, I am grateful for Thomas because it shows me there might be some hope for me.

Some won't believe until they can touch and see it.

So, what did Christ say when he appeared?

"Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world."

 And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come.

 And when they had all gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one accord, saying:

 Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him.  (3 Nephi 11: 14-17)

He told his disciples: "Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have." (Luke 24:39)

He then told the Nephites, "And again, more blessed are they who shall believe in your words because that ye shall testify that ye have seen me, and that ye know that I am." (3 Nephi 12: 2)

Changing topics.

I love science.

 I want to learn everything I can about how the universe works.

But there's no way I can ever comprehend it all. 

Or prove it all.

So, I love religion.

 Because I can't prove religion either, but religion is simple, and it explains the everything.

And besides, it makes me feel good. Happy. Peaceful. 

And it inspired me to value and help other people. 

So- they're both worth it.

Science is an idea held by the scientific community to be true, based on the material evidence at hand. Theories can be thrown out if a different explanation offered more explanatory power. 

Science can be self-correcting.

 Critcs and laws of science are constantly are evaluated and changed. 

Science has built within it's structure a willingness to accept change.

Honestly, faith is the same.

So, experiment upon the word.

I have, and I like it.

Can science solve all our problems?

No. Will I be happy? Will I be rich? Why am I here? Where am I going? What should I do? 

How can I make life better for the people around me whom I love?

These are questions- very important questions at that- that only religion can answer. 

They're worth answering. They're worth religion.

But- science should not be abandoned, nor ignored.
Science also has a good record of helping us. 

Think of all the lives medicine has saved.
Babies and mothers that no longer die in childbirth.
People that eat healthier.
The blessings of people who don't live in superstitions.
The diseases we have rid the earth of.
Technology to make life better for more people.

All the animals ecology and biology has saved. All the precious life science has preserved. 

Science should not be abandoned, nor ignored.

Science can also be abused. Think of the atomic bomb.
But, in my opinion, the good outweighs the evil.

My hope is that one day all these things can be rolled into one.

Science and Religion are not at odds. 

They have the same goal- to discover ultimate truth. 

They just have different starting points and different methods.

 They work together. 

Without either, our intelligence and joy would be greatly handicapped.

It makes God happy when we use both our brains and our hearts/spirits to learn.
 He gave us both.

Let it be sure:

God lives. 

Jesus Christ is His son. 

They have a plan bigger for us than our brains can comprehend right now. 

The gospel has been restored to the earth. 

Families can be together forever.

Everything else is open for discussion."

Again- these are copy-pasted notes from a lecture by C. Riley Nelson at Brigham Young University. 

The Day I Met My Hero

There was a folk dance social thing Saturday night. The girls learned to hula and the boys learned the haka from these legit islanders! And we ate super scrumptious hot dogs.

At the end, they had us all sit down and said a special guest speaker was coming. And then- guess who walked in the door? 

Sister Dalton! 

WHAT?!?!?! Holy cow. I could not believe it. Sister Dalton was called as Young Women General President when I was a beehive and released right as I graduated laurels. She was my general young women leader! I could not believe this was actually happening.

When she came in the door, honestly, I was very surprised. I recognized her face and her smile instantly. But the rest of her- wasn't what I expected. She was wearing a knee-length skirt that exposed some very spidery, old lady legs. There were bags under her eyes. Her belly was bigger than I thought- she had a little pooch. :) Just like any other lady her age. 

Here was the woman I had idealized watching on general conference, and she looked so.... normal. It was actually kind of comforting. I turned on general conference again, and somehow she looks so perfect on the screen.

But I loved what she said. It just perfectly applied to my situation, at college, with lots of challenges. She said what she always says, 

“Smile.” 

“One virtuous young woman can change the world.”

 “You are custom-made and uniquely placed to be where God needs you right now.”

 “Whate'er thou art, act well thy part.” 

"What are you doing on the sidelines? You can dance!"

"Preach the gospel through your life. Through your dance. Let your faith and your testimony of Christ shine through."

I was sitting on the floor in the very front row, only 8 feet away from her. Her message touched me so much at one point I started weeping and looking down at the ground. When I finally brought myself to look up again at her, there she was, looking back straight at me specifically, smiling the warmest smile. And she winked at me. ;) 

Afterwards we sang her God Be With You Till We Meet Again. The spirit was so strong. I loved it.  

I went over to the sidelines to stand by her and talk to her. 

Oh man- I never thought our faces would ever be this close!!!!!

Then she pulled out bubble wrap and said everyone should get the opportunity to dance on bubble wrap. Her husband made her do it with him. She smiled and me and said, "He's rotten, isn't he?"

So, it turns out that sometimes our heroes aren't really all they look like on the screen. 

But- Sister Dalton is still one of mine.

Sanctified

Nobody's perfect. But I wish I was. But I'm human.

There's one mistake I made in particular, that I wish I could redo. A part of myself I hate exists. I always felt uncomfortable when the topic about trying to do better in this area came up. I suffered through the lessons and talks on it. I knew what was "right", but "right" was literally impossible. It was something I just couldn't do. I tried to be content and move on, living with my imperfection. I was just going to have to live life being imperfect. But man, that stinks.

But I discovered something wonderful today. So, as I tell my story, I hope you can think of something you don't like about yourself- a mistake you made- something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Thinking of that will make this story better for you.

For the women's meeting at my church, they invited us a week ahead of time to read an article to prepare for the next weeks' lesson. It was on- you guessed it- my least favorite topic. For some reason I read the article anyway. I felt so uncomfortable the entire time. Reading it was torture. I thought to myself, "I hate living like this. Why can't I just make this go away?"

And, for some reason, all of a sudden I remembered something- God knows me. Everything about me. He knows how I'm good and how I'm weak. But, if He knows - why should I talk to Him and tell Him what he already knows?

Yet- somehow, there I was, praying. Opening my mouth and being honest. He already knew- so I might as well speak the obvious. I opened my mouth- and beautiful words came out. Words I didn't plan on. But I was being me- being Alana- being totally honest. Talking to God as if He were my friend. There were lots of long pauses between all my sentences:

"God, I did something wrong....

And I know it was wrong.....

And I'm sorry.

I am so so so so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm just so sorry."

Long pause. Lots of crying. I could clearly imagine God in a white robe, sitting on a chair, listening, while I knelt at his feet and let my tears wash his feet.

And then, the feeling was different. I could imagine God in a white robe, sitting on a chair, with Christ beside him, in a white robe, sitting on a chair, with me crying in His Christ's lap, while He held me close, and stroked my back. I could almost feel my back get wet, because I know He was crying with me too. He knows how much it hurts. He loves me so much. I can feel it.

"You know me, Lord. You know I'm a good person. You know about all those times I tried so hard to be good. All those times I did the right thing when I was all alone- when it was awkward and unnatural. You know how much I want to be good.

But with this, God, you know that I try, but I just can't do it. It's too hard for me. I mess up. I'm so so so sorry."

More long pauses. More tears. More stroking my back.

"God, I hate this part of myself. I don't want it. I don't want it anymore......

I don't want it anymore......

I don't want it anymore......

I don't want it anymore......."

Another long pause.

And then, the key words came out of my mouth.

"..... Can you help me? Can you take it away?"

And I felt Him say, "Of course, my Alana. I love you. I was waiting for you to ask me. I want you to be happy and free."

And, just like that- I was new. I felt new. I felt stronger. Like- somehow, suddenly, I was strong enough to resist making that mistake ever again. Because suddenly, there was nothing appealing about it anymore. It wasn't even tempting.

Then, I started to get ideas. Good ideas. About how I can be strong the next time a situation arises where it's hard for me. New ways I'll think. New ways I'll act. This will be ten times easier now, because my desire for sin is gone. Christ took it away. Hallelujah.

When we prepare to take the bread and water at church, I usually sing the song and sit quietly. This time, I was amazed. I kept flipping through the sacrament hymns about Jesus Christ in the hymnbook. Every word of the song wasn't just a nice poem- it was the truth. Why hadn't I noticed it before? Oh my goodness. This was actually true. This was right. This was liberating.

"“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30).

"How Gentle God's command.

How kind His precepts are.

Come cast your burdens on the Lord

and trust His constant care."

I'll drop my burden at his feet.

Our church lesson on the topic proceeded as planned, and I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I felt so good. There was nothing for me to be ashamed of. It wasn't a part of me anymore. It was gone, and I was new, and I was good. I love being good. When the teacher talked about making mistakes, I couldn't connect with the mistake makers, because I didn't have that desire anymore. I thought, "That's not me."

No guilt. No shame.

Only peace. I feel so clean. I feel so alive. I feel so able. I feel so strong. I feel so free.

I feel sanctified.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now am found.

Blind, but now I see.

What is the worth of a soul to the Father?

What is the cost of one sheep?

The price that was paid, for my soul to save

causes my heart to weep.

Being imperfect is an important part of God's plan. We can become stronger through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He loves us. I know that's true.

So, with whatever thing you thought of that you are uncomfortable with- a topic you avoid, a part of you you don't think you can ever change-

Talk to your friend in the heavens. He's a very good listener. He already knows. But sometimes when it comes out of your own mouth, it feels good to know He knows.

He'll take it from there. 

For the Beauty of the Earth

I had to do a biology project out in nature. So I choose sunflowers and biked uphill to Provo Canyon.

Here's the thing - the Earth is beautiful.

But you have to stop and look at it.

So many different forms and systems of biodiversity work together in this great wonder we call life.

Here's why I like sunflowers: 

They're happy. And bright.

Why? 

Because they are always facing....

the sun.

Think on that one. :)

How did he know?

Well, this was pretty much the best general conference ever. General conference is where we watch 8 hours worth of good guidance and life council from the leaders of our church. Why was it so awesome? Because 1- me and my roommates made a super awesome conference fort. Yeah, we take the King Benjamin chapters in the Book of Mormon seriously. :)

And Claire made homemade popcorn. And Cassie made homemade hot chocolate.

And we may or may not have used our internet cords for the primary support. And they may or may not have been tied to the pantry door. So the fort collapsed temporarily every time someone got hungry.

But besides the fort, 2- why conference was actually good was- I think I was just more prepared to listen to what they had to say. And, I had several questions in my mind I wanted the answer to. 

The moment of beauty came during President Uchdorf's talk. Somehow he said every single thing my heart was thinking about, the answers made sense and I felt really warm in my heart. 

The moment came where I had to pull my blanket up over my head so my roommates couldn't see me and I cried and cried and cried. How did he know that was exactly what I needed to hear? It was as if all the questions I had been wondering were answered. Like every sentence and every word he said was a clear, direct answer to another specific question I had recently wondered. I kept wondering, "How did he know? How did he know? How did he know the troubles of my soul and give me answers?"

That's how I know he's a prophet. 
"Whether by mine own voice,
or by the voice of my servants,
 it is the same." D&C 1:38

Today they were the same. There is no way he could have known I had all those questions. But God knew- because I'd been telling God. So, God answered me. Through President Uchdorf.

I know I am thinking about the gospel with the right lenses when I feel like I am in primary again.

It's so simple.

My fort became heaven

Christ was so close.

He loves me so much.

It's amazing that with all the people in this huge wide world,

 that God took the time to speak to me, 

Alana Fern Peters.

He must really love me.

I love Him too. A lot.