Feelin' Chicken

And, lest you all think I'm a holy nun that sits in church clothes all day long and ponders the meaning of life and never eats junk food, I'd like to dedicate this video to anyone who has ever felt afraid- like a chicken.

My roommates, I mean, the chickens, will not be named.

They all hope to be married someday.

Luckily my heart's still set on Bradley,
 and he won't see this for a while. :)

Sacred Gifts

BYU's Museum of Art has a special exhibition going on: Sacred Gifts, showcasing the gifts of artists to depict Christ, especially the works of Carl Bloch. I definitely don't consider myself artsy fartsy, but I went today, and was touched. And I wanted to share a little bit about my favorite paintings, and why they touched me. Maybe they'll touch you too.

1. "Let the Little Children Come" by Carl Bloch

"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God." -Luke 18:16

I like how Christ's right arm is completely around this little girl, like He is protecting him, and his right hand is over the child's. Then His left arm is holding another boy's, and He's looking up at the other adults standing up as if he were a child too, asking, "Please can I play with these other kids for a while?" The curtains over his head were used in temples or palaces anciently to be placed above or behind people or great nobility, such as behind a king's throne, so in this painting, Christ just so happens to be crouched directly under a beautiful curtain- signifying His nobility. Last part- there's a little kid squished behind an apostle against the wall, forgotten by the adults, and probably most viewers. CUTENESS!

2. "Christus Consolator" by Carl Bloch

I love the diversity of people surrounding Christ:

• The exhausted old man in yellow robes on the lower left resting his head on Christ
• The middle-aged man with a red robe in the lower right, passionately clinging to Christ's robe, as if he owes everything he has to Christ, and he never wants to let Him go (Those first two men lean into Christ, forming an isosceles triangle pointing up to Christ's face as the focal point)
• The man on the right in chains, cautiously approaching Christ, begging for his broken heart to be a good enough offering despite his past sins
• The gentle women on the left, faithfully looking to Him, seeing his light
• And last, the child looking at the viewer, as if questioning, "Aren't you going to come see Him, too? What does He mean to you?"

3. "The Mocking of Christ" by Carl Bloch

I can't explain exactly why this one was special to me, but if you look at the dark red drops of blood on His head, and the pain in His eyes, maybe it will be special to you too.

4. "Christ Healing at the Pool of Bethesda" by Carl Bloch

I love that Christ looks so tall, so clean, so good, and the man under the burlap looks so crippled, so dirty, so confused. And yet, Christ took the thought, and the time, to lift up the burlap, and see who was underneath. Because... because He loved that dirty man. Christ's friends are confused. They're in the background to the left, you can tell they'd been following Him around, but they're keeping their distance in this moment, and it looks like they're saying, "What in the world is He doing? Doesn't he know that's where the dirty people go? I'm not going over there. Oh my goodness- there's actually a man under that burlap!" I think Christ's love shocked people- those who followed Him around, and those Christ approached to help. The crippled man is so shocked, he doesn't even know what to do with himself. He seems startled by the light- because he has been in the darkness for so long. This, to me, is a central message of what I believe: to try and notice the people who hurt, and try to bring light into their life.

5. "Peter's Remorse" by Carl Bloch

Ah, my favorite. The littlest painting, well- it wasn't even a painting. Bloch did this etching when he was still in art school and hadn't graduated to doing full-fledged paintings yet. But oh- how I love this. We always give Peter such a hard time, for denying Christ 3 times, even though he was the chief apostle. And yes, he probably shouldn't have. But oh- just look at this man's pain. His remorse. His regret, that he hadn't been all he could have for his dearest friend, that he had failed the man who taught him so much. It just....hurts. Hurts me- just to look at this etching, because it awakens memories of feelings in me, of feeling horrible- of not being all I could have for a friend, of saying things I wish I hadn't, of forgetting people I should have remembered, or hurting people I really truly loved.

And yet- here's the glory of it: while this etching captures a small moment- perhaps the hardest moment, in Peter's life, Peter's life did not end here. When Christ returned as a resurrected being, he entrusted Peter with one of the greatest responsibilities and missions ever:

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him,^aFeed my ^bsheep.

John 21:17

Even in his shame of knowing he had denied Christ, Peter knew Christ knew his heart, and he said, "thou knowest that I love thee." There's the hope. Even when we make mistakes, Christ knows our hearts, He knows we are greater than our mistakes, and He's not done using us for great things when we make mistakes. 

The key is- we have to, have to, feel like Peter did in this small etching. Feeling sorry is an essential step. If we really aren't that ashamed of what we have done, or we don't wish with all our hearts that we hadn't done it, chances are good we'll do it again, or even if we never do, we lose the motivation to be even better- even more loving, more caring, more good to God's children- because we don't feel like we owe anyone anything. Making mistakes makes us feel in debt. In debt to others, and in debt to Christ. If mistakes are working right, they make us feel horrible. And, if Christ is working right, which He always is, and if our hearts are open to Him, He makes us feel wonderful. So wonderful, that we want with all our hearts and souls to be like Him. So everyone around us can feel that unconditional, never-failing love. We want to smile, to sing, to dance, to help, to clean, to study, to work, to laugh, to love. 

And then- we can move on. And do miracles.

SURPRISE!!!

I'm going to Romania! It'll be an unpaid internship through BYU volunteering at an orphange in the morning, and with the abandoned children in the hospital in the afternoons.

I'll only be there for 3 months (the policy for visitors to the country of Romania) and come back in April a few weeks before winter semester at BYU ends. Usually it's a small group of mostly girls- it looks like this winter it will be 5 girls. We'll live in communist block apartments in the large city in northeastern Russia called Iasi (pronounced Yash).

Child abandoning is really common in Romania. The country is still healing from the last communist regime, which ended only 24 years ago in 1989 under Nicolae Ceausescu. To build Romania's work force, he outlawed contraception, so way more children were conceived than the country than support, and many children were turned over to the state. Many women who knew they couldn't support another child tried desperately dangerous forms of abortion, often resulting in defects later in their children. My number one purpose won't be to change the system, but to love the kids and help them develop trust in an adult that actually cares about them- to resurrect the light of Christ they were born with. My second purpose is to work with them physically, emotionally, and cognitively, to start making the child development milestones they are all so behind on. Some kids 8 years old still don't know how to walk, because no one ever taught them- they've been in a crib their whole life. Part of the cultural immersion class is instruction from a special education lady who will teach us how to assess the children and start making plans for their treatment.

 Plus- the weekends will be fun. We can travel. Dracula's castle is in Bucharest, I think, and the train system is really cheap and the program directors have mapped out where all the safe hostels are so we can be safe when we travel on the weekends. I'll get to be there for Romanian Easter, which is apparently a huge deal for Romanian Orthodox Catholics, which is the predominant religion there. We'll attend the small branch there, and double the numbers of their members, and help them stay strong.


Every church lesson, every geography class, every trip to the TRC, every university devotional, every trip to the temple, every time I read my scriptures, or listen to a hymn, every time I see a child, everything seems to be saying the same thing to me: Go to Romania. It's amazing how strong and clear and distinct a message from God can come to you. I literally think about it all the time.

There are 75 at the orphanage and hundreds whose families abandon them at the hospital- all alone. A past intern said in one room there's 30 babies in separate cribs that just sit there all day. And even though you wouldn't think it- we're learning a lot about cognitive and physical child development in my human development class, and studies have shown that human interaction- physical contact and talking to adults are essential to helping children grow psychologically and cognitively. Without it- the kids can't walk, can't talk, aren't happy, don't know how to share or have friends. Studies have also shown that even limited interaction with a loving parent figure can have lasting positive affects.


I looked up statistics about European countries rate of natural increase, gross domestic product, Human development Index, percent of population living below $2/day, life expectancy, and under age 5 mortality rate. Spain consistently ranked with the best conditions, even higher than England and France, and Romania consistently tied with Macedonia ranking the worst. Crazy. That only makes me more sad for those children. Imagine not only being born into a terrible country with limited freedoms and opportunities, but not even having a mommy or a daddy to come help you when you cry or smile or play with you. In Human Development, we learned how by age 14, some of the children in the Romanian state orphanages who had lived with hundreds of other children their entire lives still did not know the meaning of the word “friend.” When asked, they would report if they had a sister or brother, but they did not have any friends. Another past intern said she went into a hospital room once and saw a kid that had been laying in his puke for 3 hours, even though the nurses were literally right outside his room in the hall playing computer games, and she cleaned him up. Horrible. I think every child deserves to have a mommy and daddy who love them and love each other.

At one university devotional in particular, I don't remember what the speaker spoke about, because a little boy with down syndrome was sitting in front of me, and I couldn't stop watching him. He was snuggling with his older brother, and then his mom came and he was snuggling with her and hi-fiving her the whole time. And to think there are kids like that- that don't have someone to snuggle with. No one to hi-five. Whenever I walk to dance class, I can hear the kids at the BYU preschool. In Romania, the children are left there, behind closed doors all day long, with no one to talk to them. I want so bad to become that charity that Moroni talks of- to literally do what Christ would do for those kids. This is my chance!

Now to learn the language! Luckily it's a TON like Spanish, so grammer and verb conjugation isn't completely foreign, and the latin roots are all the same, but it sounds like Russian, and I have a hard time with pronunciation.

This is what I want to do- be a mom to the mommy-less. Because I have been given much.... I too must give. And with children- this is just something I'm extremely passionate about. Being a wife and a mom- those are my greatest dreams. I guess I always thought I'd be a wife first, but I guess God had a better plan. I am so grateful. God is so good to me. I hope I can be good to His kiddos.

Why Being Apart is Worth It

Because look who he's with.

Bradley and Elder Olsen have been teaching this family for a while. The two sons, Bian and Israel, told Bradley they want to be policemen when they grow up, but first, they want to be elders. :) The dad was inactive, but he decided to go back to church, and he got to baptize his own sons. Carla, the wife, loves the temple, and put two mirrors on either side of their family room. She reads gospel material for two hours every day. They are so excited to work towards being sealed in the temple together for time and all eternity.

We BAPTISED yesterday, sunday. The part member family. The two boys, Bian and Isreal were baptised by their father, who was rectivated. We have been going to teach them several times a week, and the wife, carla always insists on fixing a little something to eat. It is usually a heaping plate of meat and rice and vegetables. Grilled eggplant is really good. She is from Nicaragua and he is from Peru. I definately want to go to south america later. He shows us pictures of Peru all the time, and it is breathtaking and rich in history and culture. It was awesome to see him baptise his sons. I asked them what they wanted to do for work when the grow up, and Brian, who will be 12 and get the preisthood next week, said, "I want to be a policeman or a lawer. But first, I was thinking about being an Elder.¨ He was totally serious. Like, that is what he wants to do when he grows up. Isreal, who will be 14 next month, said the same, a policeman after his mission. That was awesome.

Then, last week, Bradley, I mean, Elder Buttars, got to baptize another 12 year old girl named Ariana. Here's what Bradley said:

 They are all poor and humble and believe in God. But Arturo, her dad has kind of turned from God in his trials, and wishes he weren't a member. But hes a nice guy, and is opening up.

The baptism for Ariana was awesome. It happened last night. I baptised her. Her mom bore her testimony, and it was really special. They were really hard and didn't want to have much to do with the family or church when we got here, but we have been so patient and loved them and taught to their needs. The things we taught didn't really matter, just love, the spirit and their fulfilling commitments eventually. Then we got all those old teaching records, and the missionaries have been going off and on for years (they've been here for 10 and inactive for all of it) and they all complained about how they are kinda lazy or hostile or don't want anything. And looking back, I can see such a huge change, but cant really point to when it happened. Anyway, during her testimony she really thanked us for loving them. They are super open with us and trust us with lots of things. The tension in their family has eased (some of the sisters came to the baptism, and Arturo the dad gets along with Carmen Ofelia, mom of Edita, who came to the baptism. She is an awesome grandma. She has 15 kids, most inactive). The spirit was really strong. After the baptism I hugged Arturo and he hugged me so tight and whispered thank you elder, thank you and cried. They are super strong now. He texted us later that night and said basically that they will never forget that night or us, and they´ll never quit praying reading and going to the church. Forever. Oh, the week before we told them they'd have to be strong because satan attacks people hard right before baptisms. Then this past week all of them got the flu bad, elder Olsen got it, the ward wanted to move their baptism back to, first the 24th of nov, then the 1st of dec to do a big baptism with a bunch of kids in the ward, but we fought it and made it special just for them and didnt want them to get lost in a hand of during transfers (around nov 25thish). And Edita lost her job this week, which she had just found. Arturo hasn't had work for years. They live off food stamps I think. But they toughed it out, we gave them all blessings and it all worked out. It was so great to see the whole family together in the church. This has been so special and humbling to be part of. Missionaries have been going by for years and years, and their hearts finally opened. They love us so much.

So this morning I read Jacob 5. (we started reading the bom as a mission the monday after conference and will finish by the end of the year, in 85 days, the time it took to translate the book. Except I´ll finish before then at the rate I´m reading. And I´m doing it in spanish. ) Anway, that was an emotional experience. We opened this area, the section of the Lord´s vinyard we´ve been charged with. It was a wild overgrown vinyard. I had a little vision while I was reading. The members are the roots. Without them the rest dies. We got here, and had 3 good roots. Geovanny(recently reactivated) Segundo(strong member, wife is strong catholic) and ancient Carmen Ofelia(babbles and gives good food and no references). That was it. we had a couple goodish branches, or investigadors. Blanca, who is a sickly branch, Carla, who is a great branch, and Brian and Isreal, who were already to be harvested. Not very much at all to work on considering there is 150ish people in our ward and they all live in the 3 areas of the 6 other missionaries of the ward. So we have been pruning and working diligently and obeying the lords commandments. And have seen miracles. The area is in bloom and shortly it will all be fruit. The fruit will be planted, and become more roots to work of of. Read it. This is the last tiem the Lord is harvesting, the most important time in the history of the church ancient or rrestored (jeramiah 16:14-16). Verses 63 or 70 and on of Jacob 5 is our time. He has called all his servants, and He is laboring with us, and we are seeing miracles. I love Jacob 5. I wept. He is gathering his good branched. And casting the bad into the fire. It sure is hard work and seems like there are a lot of bad for the good, but the good are great. I love you guys.

This kid is my hero. He is doing so many wonderful things. I love him so much.